Life's Lessons In Adventures And Misadventures As Seen Through The Eyes Of A Semi-Rambling Aspiring Savant!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Spidee Meets Super Mom

I was taking a leisurely bath one Sunday morn, when, out of the corner of my hazy eyes, I saw something creepy crawling at our bathroom floor. I turned towards it to find it gone, but was more than freaked out when I completely saw the creature about an arm or two's stretch away from me on the bathroom wall! A gigantic spider, the size mayhap that of Shaquille O'Neal's enormous hands....blackish brown in color but with some specks of yellow & red accentuating the hideous mass of a creature scientifically classified into the arachnid family! Where the hell did this grotesque creature come from?!! We sure don't have any trees near our place where it could have hidden and grown into one goliath of a spider! And what merits this unwanted guest's call?!!

EEEEEEKKKKKKKK!! The monster literally moved on all eights and has adjusted its position so that it seems as if 4 pairs of eyes are now fixated on me! Bloody hell! Am not sharing my shower with that thing! With shampoo dripping and all, I quickly raced out of the bathroom. Wait, did I just imply that I was stark naked?! No, no, correction....I was able to grab my towel naman along my speedy way out of the bathroom, though of course I can't conceal the fact that am practically bare beneath it....good thing, i don't have any male family members....or else it would be one twisted source of entertainment for them while one great embarrassment for me (whew!).

Spiders don't usually unnerve me before....that is, until now. The one inside our bathroom is as big as a crab. Actually it really looks like a crab, only with black mass of fuzzy hairs, 8 eyes and all.....but crabs (no matter how big they are) aren't scary enough since they don't spring on people, spiders do however. And this particular one seems to have THAT perverted thought in mind.

Positive thinking...Am not allowing myself to be daunted by this creature, No, no! Taking a deep breath, I slowly peeked inside our bathroom to check whether my 'unwanted guest' changed its mind and left (through the bathroom windows) my bathroom and I, our peace. Nope, no sign of it on the walls......on the ceiling, nada. Coast is clear. Maybe it got bored of our plain bathroom & left entirely. I gave out a sigh of relief and proceeded on to finish my bath. I started humming a melody and AAAACCCCKKKK!!!! It's on the floor next to my feet! Damnit! What have I done to you to deserve this freakomania that you're causing me?!! Have I killed any of your family members or relatives that you came here to avenge their deaths?!!! I never touched any spiderlings, how much more kill it (uh, unless you consider the incident wherein I accidentally squashed one with my rubber shoes, as a pre-meditated murder!)

As if goliath spider can read my mind, it inched closer to me as I tried backing away from it. This scene continued on until I eventually had my back against the wall. Knowing full well that there's no more room for me to draw back to, I gathered all my courage to finally lift one leg in an attempt to crush it behind the soles of my slippered feet.....only, the bastard's too quick as it swiftly swung itself a nigh breath space to my bod to land on the side of the bathroom wall close to me.

EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Help! Am gonna be webbed!

Within a couple of seconds, Super Mom charged in on my rescue....or was it? She barged in our bathroom door so loud that it'll prolly make a deaf cringe and demanded me to explain why am shrieking loudly enough to startle even the dead! I pointed to the object of my fright while trying hard not to tremble while saying "the...the...there's a GGGIIAANNT spider b-bbe-si-dde mmm--eeee!"

Oh that! mom exclaimed while trying to hide her obvious amusement over my paled terror-stricken face. '' ei sus, it's just more than a're a hundred folds larger than that!" and continued to add " you can slap a bigger person silly and take them head-on, but you can't manage an overgrown spider?!"

"Ma! Spare me the lecture and get this arachnid out of the bathroom, Please!"

What she did next truly amazed & grossed me out....she picked up a small handtowel (since she can't find a broom) and unsuspectingly grabbed hold of the spider with her hand & towel! It struggled and broke free from her grip and leaped unto her chest.....Yikes, I'd sooner fall down dead at the thought of goliath spider on my chest! But my mom....well, she just calmly brushed the helluva of a spider to the side and proceeded to play "patintero" with it. After a minute or so, she stood up grasping the cringing creepy thing & claimed victory.

"You go on right ahead with your bath as I see that your shampoo had already frizzed your hair into tangles. I'll just put this bastard away from you."

"Oh, ma! What would I ever do without you?" I smiled and kissed her lightly on the cheeks & gayly stepped into the shower to finish my bath. So long, Spidee! There's no other way for you but down now that you've met your match in the form of my Super Mom! haha!


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Jaz/Female. Lives in Philippines/Manila/Pasay City, speaks Chinese and English.
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Philippines, Manila, Pasay City, Chinese, English, Jaz, Female.